segunda-feira, 6 de março de 2017

Foi um leitura longa, demorada, pausada, eu diria até interrompida.
Interrompida pela tua ausência se fazendo presente toda vez que a palavra falta no texto aparecia.
Interrompida pela lembrança de ter você em meus braços toda a vez que a palavra juntos era lida.
Interrompida por um sorrizo bobo toda vez que as palavras amor, felicidade e suas correlatas saltavam entre as linhas.
Interrompida por longos suspiros quando as palavras longe e distante se infiltravam nas frases escritas.
E ao final da leitura, um livro curto e intenso de final positivo e esperançoso, quis te escrever: "Como é bom sentir saudades de você"; assim mesmo, em bom português.
Mas você não iria entender. Não é uma questão de tradução. Sentimentos não se traduzem em palavras, e você nem fala a minha língua...

quinta-feira, 1 de dezembro de 2016

Sweethurt

His eyes were lost when my eyes found him. There, waiting for the elevator, he was so beautiful that hurt me. I couldn't be more sad about the great probability of not seeing him again, about the possibility of never been noticed. But probabilities are misunderstood and do not reflect fate. Defying the reality I created for us, we met again. I didn't take too much to realize that a fire was ignited between us. We both were burning so explosive was the attraction. And before melting completely, I took his picture afraid I wouldn't see him again and declared to myself that I had felt in love . I analyzed his picture over and over again, all the angles, the colors, the shapes, the details. It was almost impossible to stop looking at it. It was unacceptable not to create a new reality for us. It was painful not to be able to deny that he made me smile every time I thought about us. He lies to me, and I know it. And the best part of it is that he knows that I know. But we don't talk about it, we just accept it. He makes me shiver and he knows this is been challenging to me. But we don't look for reasons, we both have fears. He can't be mine and he knows I wish he was. But we don't make promises, we let it be. Because I am his little doll, the one he plays whenever he wants, but because he wants. He gives meaning to the few seconds we spend together. And I love that he is wild, intense, indomitable, free. And I might be just one more for him, but he is my only and unique sweethurt.

sexta-feira, 23 de setembro de 2016

Quando o amor não acontece

Quando o amor não acontece
A gente chora e entristece
E sente raiva
E quebra promessas
E enlouquece

As vezes o amor não acontece
E as juras feitas perdem o sentido
As fotos românticas empalidecem
E a gente acha que não o merece
E a gente se culpa e culpa e não desculpa e não se desculpa

Na maioria das vezes o amor não acontece
E tudo bem, a vida segue
Mais cedo mais tarde a gente esquece
A magoa passa
E logo a esperança reaparece

(Pois o amor é coisa rara
Não se vê aqui e acolá, espalhado em todo lugar
E não adianta se forçar
O amor tem vontade própria
Ele simplesmente acontece
Sem aviso prévio
Sem dar pistas
Sem pedir permissão
As vezes basta um olhar
Na maiorias das vezes não se sabe a razão
Pois é o amor que escolhe a gente
O oposto é ilusão)

O amor não aconteceu pra nós dois
Não desta vez
Não reciprocamente
E amor não se aprende, se pede ou se prende
Amor a gente sente

E quando o amor não acontece
Não há muito o que fazer
Não há porquê em insistir
O melhor é ir embora
E abrir espaço pra quem sabe um dia ele possa existir



quarta-feira, 31 de agosto de 2016

Running in circles

And here I am, confused. Repeating the same mistake again, the same old story, the same vicious cycle. A story of rejection, intimidation, and indignation. A story where the ego speaks loud and the unconscious yell at me, driving me to a situation I have been before. A situation that only hurts me and spread the sorrow and pain around. I haven't desired any of this fate. I never wish to be put in such a contradiction again. I haven't even been trying to manipulate the future. But things happens. They just happen, and I do believe in destiny. How else could I explain what happened? I knew this was trouble at first sight. He knew it back on the second one. I tried to avoid it. We had been hiding from each other for a long time since we met. It was so many excuses that I really thought he had given up. And I can't deny that I felt sorry. But it seems that when it's over it starts again. And this time, the timing was perfect. My heart was broken, hope was falling apart, and the only thing I wanted was to run away. That was when life came to test me. The invitation was filled with cruel intentions. There was nothing to read in between lines. The message was clear and well written: trouble! I knew I should say no. He expected a no. And despite that, I said yes. I said yes. An "I do" that was just a matter of time, as we both agreed later, when our bodies were sweat, our skin shared the same smell, and our individual picture couldn't be distinguished. An ambiguous feeling dominated my soul. Half of me feels weak on not being able to resist to it. The other half feels brave for going for it. I always had a crush on bad guys. And that is because deep inside I'm a really bad girl. I see sweetness into their eyes when everyone else sees madness. I see fragility on their behavior when everyone else sees rebelliousness. I find romance in their words when everyone else hears hate. He touched me inside, and I'm scared. I'm scared because he is a bad guy, the wrong guy, the one who can break me down, as they are gonna say. But I'm tired as well. I'm tired of denying this primal feeling. I'm tired of choosing the good guy and getting hurt anyway. I'm tired of being with the right guy and making everything else wrong. And I have no idea to where future is gonna lead me; I just hope not to keep running around in circles. 



quarta-feira, 13 de julho de 2016

De ninguém

Eu não era de ninguém
Tão pouco poderia ser sua também
Não me possue aquele que pensa que me tem
Tão pouco me tem aquele que não pode me possuir

Foi todo seu aquilo que te dei
Foi seu e só seu
Que não o dividi com mais ninguém
Nem ninguém mais o quis

Eras dono das minhas fantasias
Do amor calado e reprovado
Da angústia entre o certo e o errado
Da tristeza por ter me abandonado

Eu, tão somente, não lhe seria suficiente
Querias mais que o corpo
Mais que a mente
Nem sabias o que queria exatamente

E eu, que não me dou, lhe entreguei tudo o que quis
Quis paixão, o amei
Quis que fosse inesquecivel, o marquei
Quis o melhor de mim, o pior lhe dei também